Difference between revisions of "NIETZCHE!"
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“That's not my name!”
“Wait...Is it?”
~ N-i-e-t-z-s-c-h-e? on Nietzche
“Nietzche is dead.”
“In Soviet Russia, abyss gazes into YOU!”
~ Nietzche on monsters
“That's absurd!”
“So is a book called "The Gay Science" By Freedrikk NEECHEE”
~ You
“High five!”
~ Adolf Hitler on Nietzche
Overview
Friedrich Wilhelm Samwise Nietzsche(pronounced "Nietzsche")(not to be confused with Freddy Nietzsche), who lived from October 15, 1844 to August 25, 1900 was a deluded German philosopher and cultural rejectionist who was deceived by Darwin's theory of Evolution into thinking that man and ape were indeed one and the same. He was also the founder of the Masturbater's Club.
The Nietch
Nietzche, or "The Nietch", as he preferred to be called, was largely overlooked during his short, painful and somewhat itchy life, which ended with a vicious mauling at the hands of an enraged orangutan named Hans at the age of 44. The Nietch was frequently misunderstood and misrepresented by the apes, monkeys and tamarins he loved so dearly, yet he still emerged during the second half of the 20th century as one of the least significant figures in biology, herbology, or astronomy. Whether he was a lover, or merely a dreamer, he would never find the fabled Rainbow Connection. His unconventional views and often discomfiting ideas about the Oneness of all primates are still hotly debated by Robert Novak and his personal masseuse, Phillipe.
But, Could He Make A Good Cup of Coffee?
It is widely believed he made a damn fine cup of coffee, and hot.
Whether his cherry pie was also Damn Fine remains a matter of speculation amongst scholars to this day.
Potent Quoteables
Among the general public and not just the populace of Des Moines, Iowa, The Nietch is probably most well known for an often-heard, but less often attributed, quote which comes from his Monkeys and Apes Are People, Too: "You gotta get yours, and I gotta get mine."
What Is It That This Man Did Do?
As a deluded philosopher and ape-afficianado, Nietzche sought 'the valuation of all values' (i.e. giving values a set value which could then be used to re-value other values); claimed that he philosophised 'with a monkey on his back' (to constantly fear that which may tear at your hair and face with dirty, sharp claws, while all the while demanding banana paste); and once declared 'Am I not man - I am devo'.
As part of his deluded rantings, he would voice severe criticisms of Cannibalism, contemporary Ethno-centrism, German Beer Purity Lawism, Anti-Monkey and Apes are Really Peopleism, while flinging soft and feathery damning praise at various social and political aspects of contemporary tomfoolery, and — perhaps most infamously — conventional (and especially 'Muslim') monkeyshines.
In fact, as J.K. Rowling points out in her opus Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Sirius Black did not actually conspire to kill Harry's parents - Peter Pettigrew did. Rowling concluded: "philosophy is important in part because of the insight we gain in to the whimsy and mystery of the non-Muggle way of doing things, where repressed sexuality and the importance of being earnest are the order of the day for all witches and wizards."
The Nietch's championing of the struggle of the unique, autonomous, fully realised "monkey super-man" over the 'family-values' of the allegedly religious, conformist and Jesus-loving masses led him to the concept of the Überaffe, a tree-swinging, poetry-writing specimen of the first order with minty-fresh breath; and his inability to grasp the meaning behind the effects of the 'hot' or 'cold' 'knobs' 'in his bathing-tub' produced the tepid - and, in its time, barely lukewarm - declaration that 'Oh God, that's cold!' after attempting unsuccessfully to take a bath.
He was also famous for his oft-attributed super-quote - "God is dead." Conversely, there is also a more obscure quote by God countering that "Nietzche is dead." Hanz Federman, neighbor of both, was known to have said, "You're both dead! Shaddup!" before hurling a boot, an alarm clock, and another boot at the Nietch.
The Nietch: Author
His central work is the perhaps influential, perhaps unclassifiable (men's magazine? pulp novel? set of blue-prints for a space station?) Meine Affe Schmekt Gutlich ('My Monkey is Tasty'), in which he chronicles the adventures of a young monkey (whose name is taken from the founder of ancient Zoroastrianism) and his encounters with various individuals, who all eat little portions of him until he dies from massive blood loss. But, before his passing, he learns the True Meaning of Christmas, and Germany is saved yet again from the hordes of Belgium.
The idiosyncratic nature of The Nietch's prose style (which abounds in the kind of infectious urban slang that has given rise over the years to oh no you didn't, youknowwhatI'msayin and badonkadonk) has not prevented the spawning (or biting) of his style by sucker emcees who couldn't bust a rhyme to save they skin, The Nietch will take it on back and play it again/with the buh-buh-bow, and the bang-bang-bang,/ the Nietch will school you fools on the meaning of pain.
Ubermensch and The Willy of Power
The last few years of Nietzsche's life were marked by his lawsuit involving Superman and DC comics, which didn't actually exist at the time of his writing. DC made enough money in the year 2312 to build a timemachine and subsequently went back in time to sue Nietzsche for screwing DC out of German copyrights to Superman where he is known as "Zuterman" (which roughly translates as "inflatable penis"). The stress and cost of the lawsuits caused Nietzsche to go mad and he subsequently declared that science was a bit "faggy", monkeys were all too monkey, God was breathing impaired and that outright Individualism somehow equals fascism in the minds of Italian and Austrian pricks.
Understanding, Knowing, and Loving The Nietch
His lifelong love of pannekoken and orangutans, his constant referencing of ancient Greek and Yogurt cultures, and his intense focus on human monkeyness and monkey human-ness have suggested to some that he can only be best and most properly understood in light of at least a flashlight, if no other light is available.
In biographical terms, Nietzche is of interest in view of his personal and ideological relationship (originally 'pro-'; later 'anti-') with the Hans the orangutan. Hans, the poet laureate of Luxembourg, eventually killed The Nietch in a heated dispute over a plate of pannekoken, which both wanted very badly. de:Nietzsche