Difference between revisions of "Cheese"

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−	[[Image:Cheese.jpg|right|thumb|250px|Blue Stilton, a fine traditional English cheese.]]	+	'''Andrew Layton Schlafly''', [[Pseudolaw | Esquire]], (known online as '''Aschlafly''' or [[Fun:Assfly|Assfly]]) is the owner of [[Conservapedia]]. He is currently undefeated in any debate due to his skillful use of the [[Conservapedia:Schlafly Reversal|Schlafly Reversal]], the [[Conservapedia:Schlafly Rearguard|Schlafly Rearguard]], the [[Conservapedia:Schlafly Slip|Schlafly Slip]], [[Conservapedia:Schlafly Statistics|Schlafly Statistics]] and the fact that he can just ban anyone who disagrees with him from his site.
−	'''Cheese''' is a solidified dairy product. Cheese making starts with the solidification of milk proteins, usually by the addition of [[rennet]] (a mixture of [[enzyme]]s) or an edible acid, which produces [[curds]]. For most types of cheese, the curds are separated from the liquid, the [[whey]], and then [[aging|aged]], sometimes for many years. Salt is also often an ingredient in cheese recipes.	+	<br clear=all>
		+	{| align="right"
		+	| __TOC__
		+	|}
−	==Sources Used to Make Cheese==	+	==Biography==
−	Most cheese is  made from [[cow]]'s [[milk]], although technically, any large [[mammal]]'s milk can be used.  Some common sources of milk for making cheese other than cows include:	+	===Childhood===
		+	Allegedly born in Alton, [[Missouri]], on 27 April 1961 CE, it was perhaps Andy's misfortune to be born to a remarkable but utterly misguided woman at the peak of her powers.<ref>[http://www.artofeurope.com/larkin/lar2.htm ''They f**k you up, your mum and dad.'']</ref> By the time he was eighteen, his mother [[Phyllis Schlafly|Phyllis]] had written nine ill-argued and reactionary tomes, helped bring the Equal Rights Amendment to its knees, been a three-time candidate for Congress, become a twice-weekly syndicated newspaper columnist, and recently enrolled as a full-time law student at Washington University in St. Louis, all while claiming that a woman's place is in the home.<ref>[http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,945990,00.html "Anti-ERA Evangelist Wins Again"], ''Time Magazine''.</ref> Although he faithfully absorbed her values and unreason, he inherited none of her vigor or [[charisma]].  The young Andrew was [[homeschooling|homeschooled]] until the age of seven.<ref>[http://www.nytimes.com/2006/03/30/garden/30phyllis.html?pagewanted=2&_r=1 "Feminine Mystique All Her Own"], ''New York Times''.</ref> (It has been conjectured that Andy may be <s>suffering from</s> rejoicing in a version of the Œdipus complex, this is unlikely as the words ''"complex"'' and ''"Schlafly"'' do not sit well together.) There is some evidence to suggest that he later attended [http://www1.priory.org/home.html Saint Louis Priory School], a private [[Catholic]] boys' school, graduating in 1978.<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Saint_Louis_Priory_School&diff=next&oldid=109771846 St Louis Primary School alumni in Wikipedia]; [http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Saint_Louis_Priory_School&diff=175704537&oldid=174445162 later removed on grounds of non-notability.]</ref> His father, lawyer Fred Schlafly, may have encouraged his children to follow him to law school.
−	*[[Goat]] milk (e.g. Chevre cheese)	+	===Schlafly gets degree, laid===
−	*[[Sheep]] milk (e.g. Roquefort)	+	<noinclude>[[Image:Aschlafly.png|300px|left]]</noinclude>
−	*[[Yak]] milk.	+	Andy's father, lawyer Fred Schlafly, may have encouraged his children to follow him to law school. However, Andy claims to have graduated from Princeton in 1981 with a bachelor's degree in Electrical Engineering and Computer Science. Strangely, he has never provided proof of this degree, and his chances of having received one are less than 100 to 1, as less than 1% of the population of the country has a degree in electrical engineering.  [[Conservapedia:Mystery:Who earned Andrew Schlafly his degrees?|Remarkably]], he could think well enough to earn degrees from respected universities without compromising their reputations. He worked as a device physicist for Intel until 1983 and then moved on to Johns Hopkins University, MD, where he joined the Microelectronics Group of its Applied Physics Laboratory.
−	*[[Buffalo]] milk	+
−	==Cheese History==	+	He married Catherine Agneta Kosarek at a [[Roman Catholic]] ceremony in 1984. Miss Kosarek was a fourth-year medical student at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine and also a Princeton graduate.<ref>[http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9D0CE3DB1638F936A15752C1A962948260 ''The New York Times''.]</ref> As of 2009, Andy hasn't stated whether he has stopped beating her or not, even when asked repeatedly.<ref><s>http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Talk:Main_Page&diff=prev&oldid=384010</s> Burned, see [http://www.conservapedia.com/Talk:Main_Page/archive48#Flag_Thief.28s.29 here] instead.</ref> His wife successfully [[sex|mated]] twice<ref>As a practicing Roman Catholic, Andy would be forbidden to use any form of [[birth control|contraception]]. As his wife had demonstrated her fecundity by delivering two offspring, we can only assume that their relationship has continued on a ''platonic'' basis ever since, or Andy's 'little swimmers' just aren't up to the task anymore.</ref> (perhaps even with him, though no one can be sure why) and [[artificial selection|spawned]] two more conservative stormtroopers for the cause, Andrew Jr. and little (how ''could'' they...) Phyllis Schlafly. While the former is now a proud College-going [[Republican]]<ref>[http://www.conservapedia.com/User_talk:CollegeRepublican This one.]</ref> and [[Mike Huckabee|Huckabee]] supporter,<ref>[http://www.thecrimson.com/article.aspx?ref=521477 LOL OLD CHUCK NORRIS JOKES]</ref> the latter is *gasp* an [[evolutionism|evolutionist]]!<ref>See this [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Debate:Is_the_theory_of_macroevolution_true%3F&diff=next&oldid=10053 comment.]</ref>
−	[[France]] is especially renowned as a cheese producer, and their president [[Charles de Gaulle]] famously said : "How can a country with 300 different kinds of cheese agree on anything?". However, many French cheeses are made from unpasteurized milk and their transport across international borders is therefore forbidden for health reasons owing to potentially toxic bacterium ''listeria''. Physicians recommend that the cheeses should not be consumed by [[pregnancy|pregnant]] women or young children. Certain French cheeses (such as Epoisses) are so smelly to keep up the urban legend that their carriage is banned even on French [[public transport]].	+	===<s>Mr. Schlafly goes to Washington</s>===
		+	[[Image:Assfly in bw.JPG|thumb|left|No one would suspect the wearer of this beatific smile!]]
		+	Schlafly attempted to run for [[Congress]] in 1992. In a masterstroke of political timing, Andy decided to spend $84,725 of his own money<ref>[http://cspan.politicalmoneyline.com/cgi-win/x_candpg.exe?DoFn=H2VA11107*1992 Campaign contributions.]</ref> on his campaign for a seat in the House of Representatives (VA 11), in the same year that [[Bill Clinton]] would sweep into the White House on a wave of popular discontent with the Republican incumbent, George H.W. Bush. No fewer than nine Schlaflys blew their god-fearing dollars on this abortive campaign, though most of them to the tune of a decidedly less crazy $1000 each.<ref>[http://www.newsmeat.com/campaign_contributions_to_politicians/donor_list.php?candidate_id=H2VA11107&li=S Campaign contributions.]</ref> Only 11% of voters in the Republican primary shared the vision of "Andy Schlafly for Congress" and he finished in a dismal 5th place.<ref>See [http://www.ourcampaigns.com/RaceDetail.html?RaceID=361897 here.]</ref>
−	It is most likely that the invention of cheesemaking was a way of preserving excess milk for leaner times.	+	Incidentally, a [http://www.politicalbase.com/profile/ASchlafly/blog/&blogId=1596 blog] was erected in 2008, proclaiming that Andrew Schlafly was running as a candidate in the [[2008 U.S. Presidential Election]]. Such characters as [[Conservapedia:Sysops/RobSmith|RobS]] and [[Conservapedia:Sysops/Conservative|Conservative]] also make appearances on the blog.  Sadly, it was nothing but parody.
−	==Varieties==	+	===A drawer full of smoking monkeys===
		+	[[Image:Hutz.jpg|right|thumb|Look - he's taking another puff!]]
		+	Schlafly received his J.D. from Harvard Law School in 1991 and claims to have been awarded a [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Laudrup ''magnum of Laudrup cum''] for his efforts. He also claims to have taught a course in administrative law as an adjunct professor at Seton Hall Law School. Given the insight and intellectual rigor of his lectures on Conservapedia, his failure to advance further can only be attributed to his growing sense of disgust at the moral vacuum at the heart of liberal academia.
−	There are literally thousands of varieties of cheese made in the world today. The best selection with more than thousand varieties is offered in the Kaufhaus des Westen, Berlin, Germany [http://www.kadewe-berlin.de/kaese_engl.php]. Some well known varieties are:	+	Striding purposefully out of this den of relativistic iniquity, he was admitted to the New York State Bar Association in 1993.<ref>See details [https://iapps.courts.state.ny.us/attorney/AttorneyDetails?attorneyId=5483717 here.]</ref> There is evidence to suggest that he worked as an associate at Wachtell, Lipton, Rosen & Katz, a New York law firm,<ref>See [http://www.nylawyer.com/display.php/file=/probono/news/07/070907c here.]</ref> before moving into private practice.<ref>[http://pview.findlaw.com/view/3919824_1?channel=LP I Can't Believe It's a Law Firm]</ref> He was later appointed general counsel to the [[Association of American Physicians and Surgeons]] (AAPS), a motley collection of "conservative" [[quack]]s, [[crank]]s and [[fundamentalism|god-botherers]], not to be confused with the infinitely more credible American Medical Association (AMA). Andy had clearly found his niche and, in between filing spurious ''amicus curiae'' briefs on behalf of assorted wingnut causes, even found the time to pen such charming documents as [http://www.abortiontruths.net/abortionattorney.html ''Had an abortion? Call an attorney!''] Classy stuff.
−	===Hard cheeses===	+	===Into the rabbit hole===
−	*Cheddar (A hard red, yellow or white cheese, originally from the [[England|English]] West country (The Cheddar Gorge), but also now made worldwide in countries including [[Ireland]], [[Canada]], [[New Zealand]], and [[Scotland]])	+	Andy's conversion to [[young Earth creationism]] happened at around the age of 40 (circa 2000 CE). It is not known what caused him to renounce the bountiful fruits of the Enlightenment,<ref>Mid-life crisis?</ref> but he describes the process as having taken "several years" and as being "based [on] a thorough open-minded application of logic and science". Readers will doubtless be heartened to hear that he found his faith greatly strengthened as a result of this self-inflicted intellectual lobotomy.<ref>Discussed on Conservapedia [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Talk:Moon&diff=next&oldid=341787 here.]</ref>
−	*Parmesan ([[Italy|Italian]] very hard cheese.)	+
−	*Romano (Another [[Italy|Italian]] hard cheese)	+
−	*Gouda ([[Netherlands|Dutch]] cheese, with a yellow wax rind.)	+
−	*Monterey Jack ([[America]]n.)	+
−	*Mozzarella (A very soft white cheese from [[Italy]], in some places it is still made the traditional way, with buffalo milk.)	+
−	*Emmenthal (A [[Switzerland|Swiss]] cheese, characterized by large holes.)	+
−	*Cheshire (A hard red or white cheese, more crumbly than Cheddar with a salty taste. Made in [[Cheshire]] or North Shropshire.  Mrs Appleby's Cheshire has won international renown.)	+
−	===Blue cheeses===	+	Around this time, he also began delivering online lectures for his mother's [http://www.eagleforumu.org/eagleforumu/ Eagle Forum "University"] (''REGISTER TODAY! It's Free''). Not content with warping the impressionable homesckooled minds therein, he waded further out into the godless intertubes and formed a successful comedy double act with his mad elder brother [[Roger Schlafly|Roger]] on the talk.origins Usenet group. Dubbed "Rogandy," their surreal [[creationism|creationist]] stylings provoked mirth and disbelief in almost equal measure.
−	*Blue Stilton ([[England|English]] crumbly blue cheese, a non-blue variety also exists.)	+
−	*Roquefort (The [[France|French]] king of blue cheeses, made from sheep's milk in a cave.)	+
−	*Cheshire Blue (Mild blue cheese with a salty flavour)	+
−	===Soft cheeses===	+	A stroll through Andy's [http://groups.google.com/groups/profile?enc_user=IchLUBMAAADDRtPCXy8y_IOoCnrOvDVmWMj6vob75xS36mXc24h6ww Usenet profile] reveals a man adrift from reality and impervious to reason and argument. He made 3280 posts from May 1999 to August 2001, with talk.origins (1168) bearing the brunt of his attention. Gems abound within, including [http://groups.google.com/group/k12.chat.teacher/browse_thread/thread/8f87e1feae49c1e6/54468cbd3d5e8acb this] June 2000 post to k12.chat.teacher where he tries to draw a link between "behavior-modifying prescription drug[s]" and US school shootings. Regular readers of Conservapedia will know that the blame has now been firmly placed at the door of the "atheistic" nature of the institutions themselves. Also worthy of mention is this wonderfully succinct evaluation of the Schlafly debate experience:
−	*Feta (Soft and crumbly [[Greece|Greek]] sheep's or mixture of sheep's and goat's milk cheese)	+	<blockquote>"...arguing with Andy is like playing chess with a small child who doesn't know the rules."<ref>The author doffs his cap to a Mr. Richard Carnes on [http://groups.google.com/group/talk.origins/browse_thread/thread/707cd8244fd56924/b74089d34088bd72#b74089d34088bd72 talk.origins], March 15, 2002.</ref></blockquote>
−	*Brie (a [[France|French]] soft cheese, not particularly smelly.)	+
−	*Camembert (a [[France|French]] soft cheese, fairly smelly.)	+
−	*Muenster (a [[France|French]] soft cheese)	+
−	*Cottage cheese (a very runny soft curd cheese).	+
−	*Cream cheese (a mild soft white cheese)	+
−	* Neufchâtel (a [[France|French]] soft and crumbly)	+
−	===Synthetic cheeses===	+	[[Godspeed]]ing now with extreme prejudice, he emerged from the intertubes and began teaching real life classes of homeschooled Jesus-Jugend in 2002. He claims over 120 kills to his credit<ref>See his Conservapedia [http://www.conservapedia.com/User:Aschlafly user page.]</ref>
−	*American or processed cheese, a very mild [[ersatz]] cheddar with a smooth texture, often delivered by unusual methods, such as in cans, as strings, or as a spray. Though considered by many connoisseurs to have an unpleasantly chemical or plasticy taste and no significant texture, its very low cost had lead to its use as a 'generic' cheese for snacks, fast-food, burgers, or any meal in which a cheese is used to enhance another element of a meal rather than form a more significant taste.	+
−	==Non-cheese cheeses==	+	[[Image:Kingme.png|center|frame|''(Above image copyright © 2007, Rudis Muiznieks. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 License)'']]
−	Head cheese, known as brawn in the [[UK]] and by other names in other parts of the world, is made from meat taken from the head of an animal - pigs, calves and cows are used - that might otherwise remain uneaten for aesthetic reasons. It sometimes includes meat from other normally unappetizing areas such as the feet or organs. The meat is chopped or shredded and set in [[gelatine]]. It is usually eaten cold or at room temperature as a luncheon meat. In the southern states of the [[US]] this is sometimes also known as sousemeat and pickled in vinegar.	+	==Activities on Conservapedia==
−	[[Lemon]] cheese is another name for lemon curd in the [[UK]]. Fruit cheeses are sometimes made with other citrus fruit.	+	Andy utilizes a ''Word of the Day'' calendar to find new ways to embarrass himself.  His favorite obsessions include [[deceit]], [[liberal]] [[Fun:Mockery|mockery]], [[chivalry]] and the [[Parthian shot]].  He is also [[clairvoyance|clairvoyant]], and can tell to within [[Conservapedia:Schlafly Statistics|two percentage points]] the likelihood that someone who disagrees with him on another matter is against [[school prayer]] or in favour of [[abortion]]. This clairvoyance is ironic as he often promotes users who openly parody his edits before they then kick him in the teeth<ref>See [[Conservapedia:MexMax]]</ref>.
−	==Cheese in Culture==	+	In April 2008, Schlafly announced his desire to purge the [[Bible]] of its [[liberal bias]].  On Christmas Day 2008, he launched a [[Conservapedia:Bible rewriting project|project]] to "retranslate" the Bible from existing English translations into slightly different English.  It seems that, now that he has a couple of years' experience at running God's Wiki, all he wants to do is help out by reverting the "liberal vandalism" in the Bible itself.<ref>See this [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Talk:Essay:Adulteress_Story&curid=13025&diff=426759&oldid=426704 comment]</ref>
−	In [[England]], the traditional sport of [[cheese-rolling]] remains locally popular. [http://www.cheese-rolling.co.uk/]	+	==Andy and "information"==
		+	{{cplinks|Aschlafly}}
		+	'''"We have certain principles that we adhere to, and we are up-front about them. Beyond that we welcome the facts."'''
		+	''Andrew Schlafly, Esq.''
−	[[James McIntyre]], a [[Canadian]] poet, was fond of writing [[poems]] and [[ode]]s to cheese. This is not because he thought the subject was funny, or ironic. Rather, McIntyre saw cheese production in [[Canada]] as a [[symbol]] of the strong growth in the Canadian [[economy]]. Many people today find his works quite humorous, but McIntyre's "[[Ode on the Mammoth Cheese]]" is considered by most poetry [[scholars]] not only his best work, but his ultimate achievement.	+	Frustrated in his attempts to [[child sexual abuse|insert]] his religious and political viewpoints into [[informed consent|innocent]] articles at [[Wikipedia]], on or about 2005, Mr. Schlafly decided to start an "encyclopedia" of his own, one that would conform to his strong biases in every way.  So, along with a few dozen of his <s>monkeys chained to typewriters</s> homskollar ''protégés'', he founded his heavily-moderated [[Reparative therapy|blog]], [[Conservapedia]], in November of 2006.  It contains about as much useful scientific information as a typical Southern Baptist Convention Revival & Dunkathon.
−	The original family name of comedian [[John Cleese]] was Cheese, but was changed to Cleese by his father. Cleese is famous, of course, for playing the frustrated customer in the Cheese Shop sketch on the ''[[Monty Python|Monty Python's Flying Circus]]'' television show.	+	It also affords him the luxury of being able to define terms into existence, and, when challenged on their legitimacy, insist that others do his research for him, or not complain.<ref>[http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Talk:Liberal_friendship&oldid=395758#Cites this version] shows it playing out - he promises that he will get some sources... soon... </ref> His grasp of how information works is exemplified by statements such as: ''"Well, yes, you are literally correct, but figuratively that [information] reinforces the thesis."'' <ref>Yes, he ''really'' typed that, [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Talk:Homeschooling&oldid=409155#.22Nearly_every_great_mathematician.22 right here].</ref>
−	Cheese is considered by some as a palliative for various internal diseases.	+	== Deceit ==
		+	[[Image:--librul-- --DECEITS--.JPG|thumb|LOL with [[liberal]] [[deceit]]!]]
−	In the animated series  ''Wallace & Gromit'', cheese plays an important role. Not only is Wensleydale cheese their favorite variety but in ''A Grand Day Out'' they visit the moon because it is made of cheese.	+	[[Deceit]] is Schlafly's favorite word. To him it is synonymous with [[liberal]].<ref>[http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Talk:Main_Page&diff=185112&oldid=185103 3 uses in two sentences]</ref>  Apparently, [[No True Scotsman|''real'' conservatives]] are incapable of any kind of dishonesty, whereas [[liberal]]s raised in the moral vacuum of public schools resort to [[deceit]]ful means with depraved abandon.
−	==Cheese Gallery==	+	Cries of "[[Deceit]]" are also his main weapon. If you're in the pits of Conservapedia and Schlafly -- or any of the Schlaflettes -- scream "[[Deceit]]!" at you, that would equal the screaming of "Witch!" or "Illuminati!" in 15th century Spain in front of Torquemada. You don't stand a chance with maniacs.
−	<gallery>	+	Basically, Schlafly makes up crazy lies all the time as a short cut to ''winning'' debates. He will usually block whomever is likely to call him on these lies<ref>Actually, Andy tries to keep his innocent [[Christian]] hands clean, and lets his "enforcers" do the blocking</ref> as a matter of convenience, i.e. it allows him the polite fiction that this [[deceit]] is true and valid thus shoring up his fragile ego. His fellow groomers Ed Poor and Karajou have also picked up on this technique: "it's easy and fun!"
−	Image:Allgauer Bergkäse cheese.jpg|Allgauer Bergkäse cheese.	+
−	Image:Stravecchio Parmesan cheese.jpg|Antigo Stravecchio Parmesan cheese.	+	Along with [[deceit]], Andy has equates [[liberal]]ity with closed-mindedness, imploring people who disagree with him (the vast majority of the earth's population) to "open their minds", for when they do they will surely agree with him. The humour of this is increased exponentially by the fact that Andy, who utterly refuses to accept anything except those portions of [[Biblical literalism]] that support his bizarre approach to reality, is perhaps one of the most closed-minded people on the planet.
−	Image:Beaufort d'Alpage Cheese.jpg|Beaufort d'Alpage cheese.	+
−	Image:Bel Paese Cheese.jpg|Bel Paese cheese.	+	What's really funny is that Andy himself has done teh deceitz, back when he had a "job".<ref>See footnote 82 on page 10 at [http://hraunfoss.fcc.gov/edocs_public/attachmatch/FCC-04-32A1.pdf this FCC document].</ref>
−	Image:Cheese.jpg|Blue Stilton cheese.	+
−	Image:Brie Cheese.jpg|Brie cheese.	+	From footnote #82 of the above link:
−	Image:Couronne Brie Cheese.jpg|Couronne Brie cheese.	+	{{cquote|'''In a declaration submitted in this proceeding, Schlafly claims that, at the time AT&T suspended AudioText’s service and demanded a security deposit, he was concerned about the risk of “closely held companies” such as AudioText “running up a large bill and then switching carriers,” leaving AT&T “with a substantial uncollectible.” AT&T Ex. 88, Schlafly Decl., at ¶ 14. Schlafly asserts that this “non-payment risk” existed regardless of whether AudioText’s traffic was legitimate, id. at ¶ 18, or whether AudioText itself, or one of its downstream customers, was engaged in “stimulating false traffic over the network through the use of autodialers.” Id. at ¶ 19. This after-the-fact explanation is not corroborated by the contemporaneous record and, in any event, does not support the conclusion that AT&T had reason to believe that its “Customer [AudioText] [was] using LDMTS in violation of Section 2.2.4.B.” of the tariff, that is, ''“with the intent to avoid the payment”'' of “[AT&T’s] tariffed charges” at the time AT&T suspended AudioText’s service. AT&T Ex. 58 § 2.9.6; AT&T Ex. 51 § 2.2.4.B. (emphasis added). The scenarios that Schlafly describes, where a closely held corporate customer of AT&T runs up a large bill through legitimate activity, or through the “false stimulation” of traffic by a downstream customer, do not involve situations in which the AT&T customer uses AT&T’s service “with the intent to avoid the payment” of AT&T’s tariffed charges in violation of section 2.2.4.B. of the  tariff.'''|quotewidth=30px|quoteheight=60px|[http://hraunfoss.fcc.gov/edocs_public/attachmatch/FCC-04-32A1.pdf|footnote #82}}
−	Image:Dorset Blue Vinny Cheese.jpg|Dorset Blue Vinny cheese	+
−	Image:Emmi Emmentaler cheese.jpg|Emmi Cave Aged Emmentaler cheese.	+	See [[psychological projection]]
−	Image:Emmi Gruyère Cheese.jpg|Emmi Cave Aged Gruyère cheese.	+
−	Image:Lancashire Cheese.jpg|Lancashire cheese.	+	===Further accusation of deceit===
−	Image:Limberger cheese.jpg|Limberger cheese.	+	{{cquote|I noticed that you say that one of your favorite articles on your website is the one on “Deceit.” That article begins as follows: “Deceit is the deliberate distortion or denial of the truth with an intent to trick or fool another. Christianity and Judaism teach that deceit is wrong. For example, the Old Testament says, ‘Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.’” You really should think more carefully about what that commandment means before you go around bearing false witness against others.|||[[Lenski affair#Second reply, June 23 2008|Professor Lenski]]}}
−	Image:Mozzarella Cheese.jpg|Mozzarella cheese.	+
−	Image:White Cheddar Cheese.jpg|White Cheddar cheese.	+	==Andy and legal incompetence==
		+	[[Andrew Schlafly]] claims to be a Harvard educated lawyer; however he seems in many respects to have an extremely loose grasp on basic legal concepts. Examples of his legal incompetence include:
		+
		+	[[Image:More_HRL_stuff.PNG|thumb|left|350px|Harvard Law Review team photograph from 1990, showing Andrew Schlafly (left side, center row), along with Law Review President and United States President [[Barack Obama]] (bottom right). See [[Conservapedia:Barack Obama comparison]]]]
		+	*His claim that people who vandalize his website ([[Conservapedia]]) could be sentenced to up to 10 years in jail under '''18 USC § 1030'''.<ref>[http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Main_Page&diff=33650&oldid=24041 Conservapedia Mainpage - oldid=24041]</ref> (see [[Conservapedia:FBI Incident]])
		+	*Allowing Conservapedia editors to add every random image they find under ''fair use'', whether or not the images are actually so. (See [[Conservapedia:Conservapiracy]])
		+	*Not realizing that when claiming that [[Richard Dawkins]] acquired his position as professor through wrongful means, he is in fact accusing either Dawkins, Oxford University, or ''both'', of criminal behavior.
		+	*Andy and Conservapedia have a notoriously difficult time understanding slander, libel, and other forms of defamation, and how they work in the actual law.{{more}}
		+
		+	Much of his poor grasp of legal concepts and theory is probably related to the fact that he is not and appears to never have been a practising lawyer. An extensive search of legal indexes yield roughly 29 cases that Schlafly has been involved in. Every single one of those was as an ''amicus curiae'' filer for the [[quack]] mouthpiece [[Association of American Physicians and Surgeons]]. Essentially Schlafly's whole legal career appears to be signing his name to court filings that the AAPS makes in cases it has no actual involvement or substantial interest in.
		+
		+	==Difficulty with grammar & spelling==
		+	[[Image:Andy signature.JPG|thumb|Signature.]]
		+	Mr. Schlafly has tremendous difficulties with the English language, and struggles to write correctly formed sentences using correctly spelled words.  A humble clerk with writing problems like his would risk getting the sack for incompetence.  In an unfortunate choice of battlefronts, he has made grammar and spelling an essential foundation of his debate against [[liberal]]s.  Some examples of his own postings reveal the thin ice his arguments are based upon:
		+
		+	Aug 10th, 2007 <blockquote style="background: #F9F9F9; border: 1px solid #AAAAAA; padding: .3em;">You don't see how sometime can estimate when the truth when someone else conceals it???? Don't ever become a cop, then, or a judge, or a juror, or a teacher, etc. Godspeed <ref>http://www.conservapedia.com/Talk:Main_Page/archive20#Kevorkian_speaker</ref> </blockquote>
		+
		+	<blockquote style="background: #F9F9F9; border: 1px solid #AAAAAA; padding: .3em;">I looked at your contributions today, and found a serious of insertions of the form [[:template:fact|<sup>Citation needed</sup>]] or more obnoxious banners. <ref>http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=User_talk:Aschlafly&diff=264521&oldid=264519]</ref></blockquote>
		+
		+	July 21st, 2007 <blockquote style="background: #F9F9F9; border: 1px solid #AAAAAA; padding: .3em;">I don't pages that link to [[cp:Deletedpage]] does show up in random page searches. Do you think they do? <ref>http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Conservapedia_talk%3ADeletedpage&diff=243669&oldid=243667</ref> </blockquote>
		+
		+	July 13th, 2007 (Should have been ''statutes'') <blockquote style="background: #F9F9F9; border: 1px solid #AAAAAA; padding: .3em;">Criminal States Governing the Internet <ref>http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Internet_Crime&diff=230644&oldid=230627</ref></blockquote>
		+
		+	February 26th, 2008 (A real gem - while arguing about grammar and word usage) <blockquote style="background: #F9F9F9; border: 1px solid #AAAAAA; padding: .3em;">You're "sources" for that ungrammatical claim... <ref>http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Talk:Liberal_friendship&diff=prev&oldid=395095</ref></blockquote>
		+
		+	April 4th, 2008 <blockquote style="background: #F9F9F9; border: 1px solid #AAAAAA; padding: .3em;">Childbirth prevents against breast cancer.<ref><s>http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Talk:Main_Page&diff=next&oldid=422790</s> Burned, see here: http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Talk:Main_Page/archive54&oldid=429444#Princeton_University</ref></blockquote>
		+
		+	May 11, 2008 <blockquote style="background: #F9F9F9; border: 1px solid #AAAAAA; padding: .3em;">Conservapedia has long observed that girls are injured in sports at much higher rates than boys, and how liberals denial or downplay it.<ref>http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Conservapedia_insights&diff=next&oldid=451474</ref></blockquote>
		+
		+	May 23, 2008 (This one is priceless) <blockquote style="background: #F9F9F9; border: 1px solid #AAAAAA; padding: .3em;">See if you can learn out to spell "superior". <ref>http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Talk:Homeschooling&diff=next&oldid=459252</ref></blockquote>
		+
		+	June 20, 2008 <blockquote style="background: #F9F9F9; border: 1px solid #AAAAAA; padding: .3em;">I have to run an errand but want to you everyone know, as I've said before, that it's only productive to discuss something with somebody who has an open mind.<ref>http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Conservapedia_talk:Lenski_dialog&diff=478662&oldid=478660</ref></blockquote>
		+
		+	July 1, 2008 <blockquote style="background: #F9F9F9; border: 1px solid #AAAAAA; padding: .3em;">Unlike Wikipedia, we respect person's own talk pages.
		+	<ref>http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=User_talk:GBrown&diff=next&oldid=485044</ref></blockquote>
		+
		+	October 10, 2008 <blockquote style="background: #F9F9F9; border: 1px solid #AAAAAA; padding: .3em;">What time is now from where you edit? <ref>http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=User_talk:Aschlafly&diff=next&oldid=533587</ref></blockquote>
		+
		+	Many other examples of his appalling spelling and slipshod grammar exist throughout his blog, and he delights in creating new ones every day.
		+
		+	Among his favorite terms are two that we have elevated to the status of deserving their own articles:  [[Godspeed]] and "[[Conservapedia:you're clueless|you're clueless!]]" "''Insight''" should probably have its own page too, but you can have too much of a good thing.
		+
		+	==Faith==
		+	Only faith in the Christian [[God]] counts.  Nothing else is [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Faith&curid=5858&diff=590962&oldid=581611 worthy to be called faith].
		+
		+	==Mental strength==
		+	Andy fails his own test: <blockquote>"Can you view yourself objectively, admit when you are wrong, and change towards what is advantageous?"</blockquote>
		+	Being able to do this is a sign of mental strength in [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Essay:Quantifying_Mental_Strength&oldid=538765 his opinion].
		+
		+	==The cocoa edit==
		+	Before he goes to bed Andy likes to "edit" (i.e. wikify a single word or phrase) a random article while sipping his cocoa.
		+
		+	*Sep-12-2008 - [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Bela_Gold&diff=prev&oldid=514999 Bela Gold]
		+	*Sep-14-2008 - [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Sherman_Anti_Trust_Act&diff=prev&oldid=516941 Sherman Anti Trust Act]
		+	*Sep-15-2008 - [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Seismicity&diff=prev&oldid=517710 Seismicity]
		+	*Sep-16-2008 - [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Dinesh_D%27Souza&diff=prev&oldid=518598 Dinesh D'Souza]
		+	*Sep-17-2008 - [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=PAX_television_network&diff=prev&oldid=519294 PAX television network]
		+	*Sep-18-2008 - [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Galactic_disk&diff=520112&oldid=456326 Galactic disk]
		+	*Sep-23-2008 - [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Chord_%28music%29&diff=prev&oldid=523159 Chord (music)]
		+	*Sep-24-2008 - [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=USS_Kearsarge&diff=prev&oldid=523662 USS Kearsarge]
		+	*Sep-25-2008 - [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Geneva_Bible&diff=prev&oldid=524039 Geneva Bible]
		+	*Sep-27-2008 - [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Ave_Maria_University&diff=prev&oldid=525230 Ave Maria University]
		+	*Sep-28-2008 - [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Schnauzer&diff=prev&oldid=525861 Schnauzer]
		+	*Sep-29-2008 - [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Shibboleth&action=history Shibboleth]
		+	*Sep-30-2008 - [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Policy_formulation&diff=prev&oldid=527114 Policy formulation]
		+	*Oct-01-2008 - [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Accretion&diff=prev&oldid=527916 Accretion]
		+	*Oct-02-2008 - [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Eye-glasses&diff=528494&oldid=517467 Eye-glasses]
		+	*Oct-04-2008 - [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Fields_v._Shelter_Mut._Ins._Co.&diff=529620&oldid=443658 Fields v. Shelter Mut. Ins. Co.]
		+	*Oct-05-2008 - [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Franchise_Tax_Bd._v._Alcan_Aluminium&diff=prev&oldid=530503 Franchise Tax Bd. v. Alcan Aluminium]
		+	*Oct-06-2008 - [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Weather_Underground&diff=prev&oldid=531134 Weather Underground]
		+	*Oct-07-2008 - [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Winslow_Homer&diff=prev&oldid=531998 Winslow Homer]
		+	*Nov-12-2008 - [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Ice_Age&diff=prev&oldid=555988 Ice Age]
		+	*Nov-27-2008 - [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Cesar_Chavez&diff=571403&oldid=531327 Cesar Chavez]
		+
		+	==The Sunday sermon==
		+
		+	Frequently Andy will return from church on Sunday inspired to write some mindless drivel.
		+
		+	*Jun-30-2008 - [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Faith&diff=prev&oldid=484370 Faith (''reverting back to traditional form, sorry if some good edits lost with the reversion of liberal claptrap'')]
		+	*Aug-11-2008 - [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Essay:Greatest_Mysteries_of_American_History&oldid=498274 Essay:Greatest Mysteries of American History] (a day late)
		+	*Aug-17-2008 - [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Barack_Obama&diff=prev&oldid=500625 Barack Obama's Muslim name]
		+	*Aug-31-2008 - [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Essay:Best_Concepts_to_Teach_Teenagers&diff=prev&oldid=507960 Essay:Best Concepts to Teach Teenagers]
		+	*Sep-07-2008 - [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Essay:Greatest_Mysteries_of_American_History&diff=prev&oldid=512283 Essay:Greatest Mysteries of American History (''what did cause the possession-like symptoms of the Salem girls?'')]
		+	*Sep-14-2008 - [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Mystery:Why_Do_People_Doubt%3F&diff=prev&oldid=516580 Mystery:Why Do People Doubt?]
		+	*Sep-21-2008 - [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Essay:Proposed_Homeschool_Constitution&diff=prev&oldid=521487 Essay:Proposed Homeschool Constitution]
		+	*Sep-28-2008 - [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Filioque&oldid=525414 Filioque]
		+	*Nov-03-2008 - [http://www.conservapedia.com/Essay:Scarcity_Worship Scarcity Worship]
		+	*Jan-04-2009 - [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Essay:Passages_Most_Likely_to_Convert&oldid=601773 Essay:Passages Most Likely to Convert]
		+
		+	==Pwnage==
		+	*In August 2007, a law student trumped Andy's knowledge of law, when Andy tried to baselessly assert that RW had committed copyright violations.
		+	*For the latter half of 2007, this article was a Google sponsored link from the search phrase, "Andy Schlafly."
		+	*On 27 March 2008, information provided by RW assisted Princeton For Choice in defeating and embarrassing Schlafly at a "debate," where he tried to link abortion and breast cancer.<ref>The pre-prepared by RW attendee's initial report is.
		+	==<s>Publications</s> Hate filled rants==
		+
		+	* [http://www.mercola.com/2001/aug/22/ama.htm American Medical Association's Secret Pact with the Federal Government] by Andrew Schlafly, Esq.
		+
		+	*http://www.abortionbreastcancer.com/press_releases/050328/index.htm
		+	*[http://web.archive.org/web/20060510173253/hometown.aol.com/dfjoseph/breastcancerlawsuits.html| http://hometown.aol.com/dfjoseph/breastcancerlawsuits.html (Internet Archive Wayback Machine record)]
		+	*http://www.jpands.org/vol10no1/aschlafly.pdf
		+
		+	'''NOTE:''' This tiny list of publications does not reflect Andy's stated expertise on  ... well ... everything. Maybe some of his acolytes<ref>We thank you, [[Lenski affair|Dr. Lenski]]!</ref> can cut and paste some more content to fluff this section up
		+
		+	== Argumentation style ==
		+	It has been theorized (by [[User:Pinto's5150|one]] user in particular) that Andy picked up his argumentation or debate style largely from [http://home.tiac.net/~cri/1998/argue.html this] website.
		+	Andy will also use various phrases and ideas to sum up his arguments such as comparing something to a smoker living to 100, stating that 2+2=4, that school prayer would solve everything, that only logic is needed instead of actual proof or that autumn leaves disprove evolution.
		+
		+	===Direct access to truth===
		+
		+	Andy's conviction that he is always right is summed up best in this ''Ozy and Millie'' strip from Sunday, August 27, 2000:
		+
		+	[[Image:Ozy and Millie 20000827.jpg|center|frame|Copyright D.C. Simpson, used with permission.]]
		+
		+	== People who think Andy smaht <!-- {sic} -->==
		+	His [[Phyllis Schlafly|Mommy]], much in the same way that a parent will [[Child sexual abuse|tell]] their obese, clubfooted, hydrocephalic [[children|daughter]] that she is [[slut|pretty]].
		+
		+
		+
		+	==Praise and respect for Andy==
		+	{{crickets}}
		+
		+	==Honors==
		+	Schlafly was honored by having the old imperial measure of [[kook]]ery, the Schlafly, named after him. The Schlafly is equal to approximately 2.63 [[Kent Hovind|Hovinds]].
		+
		+
		+
		+	==Gallery of deceitful liberal mockery==
		+	These contributions are examples of the well-known tendency of liberals to rely on deceit and mockery when they can't argue their biased points successfully.
		+
		+	'''Please also enjoy our fine selection of Assfly [[/bustarhyme|songs and poetry]], and [[/Anagrams|anagrams]]. Now with added deceit!'''
		+	<!--NOTE: This gallery is transcluded to the "Fun" version of the article to maintain congruence-->
		+	</noinclude><!---do not move or remove this-->
		+	<gallery perrow="5">
		+	Image:Puritandy.jpg|Fun is liberal!
		+	Image:Andy dancer.gif|Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine.
		+	Image:andy_mudkip01a.gif|i herd u liek homskoolerz
		+	Image:Schlafly.JPG|This is Andy when he edits Conservapedia.
		+	image:andy_lazer.png|IMMA CHARGIN MY GODSPEED!!!!
		+	Image:SpookyAndy.jpg|I can haz beta blocker?
		+	Image:Andy Weapon of Gun.jpg|For defense only! <ref>http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Liberal_logic&diff=next&oldid=388253</ref>
		+	Image:ConservaBorg.png|Im on ur site drinkn ur coolade!
		+	Image:Andypandy.png|Childhood: Andy Pandy loves playing with all the boys and girls.
		+	Image:Magic ASchlafly.png
		+	Image:AndyEyes.jpg
		+	Image:Andy-psycho-poster.jpg|...sick brilliant... <!-- work by Robledo -->
		+	Image:Fort CP.PNG|Andy fighting the liberal scum from his comfortable fortress.
		+	Image:Schlafly in trance.JPG|Schlafly, detecting liberals.
		+	Image:SailorAndy.jpg|Young Andy, guided by the hand of Christ.
		+	Image:Christianoppresion.gif|This is his persecution complex.
		+	Image:Andy hippie.jpg|Teh wild, sinful days of teh Assfly.
		+	Image:Homezkoolers at Andy's home.jpg|Homezkoolers at Andy's home.
		+	Image:Captain Andrew Schlafly.jpg|Captain Schlafly and his cronies, prepared for a [[Conservapedia:Blatant Plagiarism|copy/paste fest!!!]]
		+	Image:Wafd al-Chl'resny.jpg|Wafd al-Chl'resny, Schlafly's Muslim alter ego.
		+	Image:AndyToad.gif|Open your mind. Welcome.
		+	Image:Drawing Andy.jpg|Joaquín Martínez sketches a portrait of his master.
		+	Image:Mr bean.jpg|The face, the hair, the voice, the brains... it's uncanny.
		+	Image:Andy and chick.jpg|Rejected Conservapedia promotion.
		+	Image:Lol Assfly.JPG|No.
		+	Image:A Very Assfly Xmas.jpg|A Very Assfly Xmas
		+	Image:Assfly-Bickle.png|Defensive weapon of YOU LOOKIN' AT '''ME!?'''.
		+	Image:AndyObama.jpg|The Harvard Law Review dream-team
		+	Image:CheGueschlafly.png|[[Fun:Stalinist Republic of Conservapedia|Long liev teh revolushun!]]
		+	Image:Andrew-two-face-schlafly.jpg|Andy without makeup.
		+	Image:Andy3.jpg|Just Andy: ''My own picture, and I release rights to it.''  Big mistake.
		+	Image:Dark_helmet.jpg|Lightspeed is too slow. We need to go at <s>ludicrous</s> GODSPEED!
		+	Image:ASchlafly shining.jpg|''"He dawns on them like the morning light, like the sun shining forth on a cloudless morning, like rain that makes grass to sprout from the earth..."'' - 2 Samuel 23:4
		+	Image:Mount Assfly.jpg|Mount Assfly, the greatest monument in all teh [[Andyland]]s!
		+	Image:Kim Jong Schlafly.jpg|Kim Jong Schlafly - there can be only one Fearless Leader
	</gallery>		</gallery>
−	[[Category:Dairy products]]	+	"Is there anything good inside of you?<br/>
−	[[Category:Food and Drink]]	+	If there is, I really wanna know.<br/>
		+	Is there anything<br/>
		+	good inside of you?<br/>
		+	If there is<br/>
		+	I really wanna<br/>
		+	know.<br/>
		+	Is there anything<br/>
		+	good inside of you?<br/>
		+	If there is<br/>
		+	I really wanna<br/>
		+	know, Andy."
		+
		+	''Andy'' - from the Mothers of Invention album, ''One Size Fits All''
		+
		+	== Did you know? ==
		+	{{userboxtop|So proud!}}
		+	{{Userbox |border-c=#000 |border-s=1 |id-c=#fff|id-s=12 |id-fc=#000 |info-c=#039 |info-s=8 |info-fc=#fff |id=1417|info=<center><s>This '''Timberwolf''' has earned '''1417''' points in Contest 3!</s> (Scoring Error)</center>}}
		+	{{Userbox |border-c=#000 |border-s=1 |id-c=#fff|id-s=12 |id-fc=#000 |info-c=#039 |info-s=8 |info-fc=#fff |id=8|info=<center>This '''Timberwolf''' has earned '''8''' points in Contest 3!</center>}}
		+	{{userboxbottom}}
		+	*God has promised Andy that he can break open one of the [[Guide_to_Revelations|Seven Seals]] come Judgement Day. The details are yet to be firmed up with the Lamb, but Andy has his fingers crossed for the sixth and fondly imagines himself tearing it wide open with a fearsome cry of "'''Godspeed!'''". He has been known to [[Onanism|spill his seed]] during these daydreams, but God assures him that it's OK if he's only fantasizing about smiting, and hasn't touched his [[Penis|pee-pee]] in a bad way.
		+
		+	*Jesus recently told Andy that the [http://www.conservapedia.com/Essay:Adultress_Story Adultress Story] was true. Andy explained how, in that case, Jesus had definitely let the side down a little that day. Jesus could find no flaw in Andy's logic.
		+
		+	*Andy is a big fan of The Clash, but he's not a lover of Goth music of any kind. He's also quite partial to a bit of the Red Hot Chile Peppers.<ref>[http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Conservapedia:Requests_for_adminship&diff=prev&oldid=35055 Red Hot Chile Peppers]</ref>
		+
		+	*Andy has a real laugh that exceeds his monotone "Ha ha ha".  The "Ha ha ha" originated when his "clients" would crack poorly attempted jokes.<ref>Source: Too many personal conversations with his [[cp:user:Kektklik|son-in-law]].</ref>
		+
		+	*Andy sounds like Bert from Sesame Street.<ref>Andy arguing against HPV on MSNBC (he lowers his voice for TV)[http://youtube.com/watch?v=P5RNAYlAxmo]</ref>
		+
		+	*Andy asserts<ref>http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Talk:Richard_Dawkins&diff=next&oldid=330749</ref> that "judges laugh at hearsay (and so do we)"<ref>A joke told about hearsay which made the Chief Justice Warren Burger laugh during a dinner conversation with Andrew Schlafly in late 1991.[http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Lemon_test&diff=277078&oldid=258596]</ref>
		+
		+	*This article is now the top-ranked [[trusworthy]] Schlafly article on teh internets!
		+
		+	*That Andy is the [[reincarnation]] of the Titan, ?????T??S <small>(<i>Epimetheus</i>, literally "AFTERTHOUGHT")</small>.
		+
		+	*In the Mutants & Masterminds role-playing game, Andy is a Power Level 12 supervillain. His main power is: Godspeed 12 (<i>Extras:</i> Area[Burst], Insidious, Vampiric; <i>Flaws:<ref>Note: these are not flaws from Andy's point of view</ref></i> Homosexual; Range[Touch]; <i>Power Feats:</i> Dimensional[Hell])
		+
		+	*While (probably) not a member of the KKK or such, Andy's subtle racism is made quite clear by his refusal to recognize that a black person can make any accomplishments without affirmative action. Except perhaps Clarence Thomas. (See [[cp:Barack Obama]])
		+
		+	*Who knew that Andy was [http://www.politicalbase.com/profile/ASchlafly/blog/&blogId=1596 running for President]?!
		+
		+	*Andy belongs to a "sacred bloodline" stretching back to the 'Lost Tribes of Israel.' [http://www.watch.pair.com/brit-israel.html  We're not even making ''this'' shit up!] <small>(Scroll to near bottom and engage [[tinfoil hat]].)</small>
		+
		+	*Andy believes that faith is a [http://www.conservapedia.com/Talk:Examples_of_Bias_in_Wikipedia uniquely Christian concept.]  (The comment is under section 3.)  Members of other religions who believe they have faith are wrong, as is every major dictionary ever published.
		+
		+	*[http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Debate:Did_Joan_of_Arc_truly_hear_voices%3F&diff=14419&oldid=14412 Andy believes that Terry Schaivo should have been considered for canonization].
		+
		+	*"Fun, but kind of sad when one realizes the state of mind some live with." Aschlafly self-reflecting at  19:56 on 23 July 2008 (EDT) [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=User_talk:Jallen&diff=prev&oldid=492256]
		+
		+	*Once got a little drunk, with sexy results.{{fact}} {{more}}
		+
		+	*Andy tried to start his acting career by auditioning in Revenge of the Nerds. However, he was not cast as he insisted that he should play one of the jocks.
		+
		+	*Is on [[Facebook]]. Sort of. [http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=logo#/s.php?k=100000080&id=1337230585&sid=5c8f5f2e8f5fe1c654a8b8a02ca42077]
		+
		+	==Known aliases==
		+	*'''[[Fun:Assfly|Teh Assfly]]''' - the correct pronunciation of his user account at Conservapedia, "Aschlafly".  "Teh" is a nod to Schlafly's difficulties with grammar and spelling; "Assfly" doesn't need further explanation. Sometimes corrupted to "Teh Arsefly".
		+	*'''Nanotyrannus'''
		+	*'''Dr. Babyshakes'''
		+	*'''Andypandy'''
		+	*'''Der Führer'''
		+	*'''The Andyman''' - so-called because, just like the Candyman, Andy shall appear to you in person if you look into a mirror and assert that public schools don't discourage vandalism eleventy million times.
		+	*'''Ashfly''' - dirty little devil
		+	*'''[[wp:Ignatius J. Reilly|Ignatius J. Reilly]]'''
		+	*'''[[wp:Lionel Hutz|Lionel Hutz]]
		+	*'''Miguel Sanchez'''
		+	*'''Eternal King, Autocrat, Tireless Benefactor, Supreme Judge and Lawmaker of all the [[Andyland]]s'''
		+	*'''The Leader'''
		+	*'''The Founder (as put by [[Ed Poor]])'''
		+	*'''The Owner'''
		+	*<s>'''The Stud'''</s>
		+	*'''The Li'l Bastard'''
		+	*'''Andrey Ivanovich Shlavly (?????´? ???´????? ???????)'''
		+
		+	==Top ten things overheard at Andy Schlafly's wedding==
		+
		+	10. "Hey Bruce, go easy on the crab puffs"
		+
		+	9. "I asked Liza to pass the butter and she slapped me"
		+
		+	8. "Is that Barry Goldwater sleeping on the sofa?"
		+
		+	7. "Phyllis Schlafly looks so lifelike"
		+
		+	6. "I did check again, sir. There's no '[[John Schlafly]]' on the guest list"
		+
		+	5. "I think Andy is preaching to Mr. Kosarek about the dangers of cake"
		+
		+	4. "The receiving line? It's over there next to the confessionary"
		+
		+	3. "Hi, Catherine, I'm Roger. Could we maybe get together later?"
		+
		+	2. "No Mrs. Schlafly, you're not getting married today"
		+
		+	1. "Honey, why does the cake read 'Andy'?"
		+
		+
		+	==Top ten things overheard on The Schlafly's 24th wedding anniversary party==
		+
		+	10. "Can we go now?"
		+
		+	9. "How did Ames get in?"
		+
		+	8. "Honey, that cake was supposed to be for both of us"
		+
		+	7. "Ya-hoo! Now fer some hillbilly lovin'"
		+
		+	6. "Stand back -- Roger's gonna do a cannonball into the punch!"
		+
		+	5. "Is it all right if [[Karajou|Brian]] fills in for me tonight?"
		+
		+	4. "Can we wrap this up Andrew? I really should get back to work"
		+
		+	3. "OOOH! Phyllis Schlafly jumped out of the cake"
		+
		+	2. "I don't see your name on the guest list, John"
		+
		+	1. "Run for your lives! It's Fred Schlafly!"
		+
		+	== Top ten things overheard at the Schlafly family barbecue ==
		+
		+	10. "For God's sake Bruce, those dumplings are for everybody!"
		+
		+	9. "It's awfully smoky -- maybe we should move the grill outside"
		+
		+	8. "I wish we were related to Reagan"
		+
		+	7. "Andy's bedroom smells like peanut butter"
		+
		+	6. "Great, Wal-Mart wine!"
		+
		+	5. "What in the hell is Dan Quayle doing here?"
		+
		+	4. "Aw shucks. Phyllis' teeth just landed in my lap."
		+
		+	3. "Whenever there's free food, Roger shows up"
		+
		+	2. "Time for your Metamucil, Andy."
		+
		+	1. "Run for cover! Somebody brought erotic pastries!"
		+
		+
		+
		+	== See also ==
		+	{{cp|Andrew Schlafly|Andrew Schlafly}}
		+	*[[Fun: Schlafly Quote Generator]]
		+	*[[Conservapedia:Barack Obama comparison]]
		+	*Third Reich comparison: [[wp:Adolf Hitler|Adolf Hitler]]
		+	*[[Godspeed]]
		+	*[[Phyllis Schlafly]]
		+	*[[John Schlafly]]
		+	*[[Roger Schlafly]]
		+	*[[Thomas Schlafly]]
		+	*[[Conservapedia:Last Wordism|Last Wordism]]
		+	*[[Andrew Layton Schlafly/MSA|Loonyness quotient]] (under construction)
		+	*[[Provocateur]]
		+	*[[American Dad]]
		+	*{{c|You're clueless}}
		+	*{{f|Three Laws of Schlafly}}
		+	*[[Essay:Christianity and the 6th Commandment]]
		+	*[[Smart things Andrew Schlafly has said]]
		+	*[[Andyland]]
		+	*[[Fun:Aschlafly syndrome]]
		+	*[[Schlafly statistics]]
		+	*[[Conservapedia:An open letter from a disillusioned conservapedian]]
		+
		+	==See also, Conservapedia style!*==
		+	*[[Pedophilia]]
		+	*[[Drug abuse]]
		+	*[[Racism]]
		+	*[[Holocaust denial]]
		+	*[[Sodomite]]
		+	*[[Incest]]
		+	*[[Anti-Semitism]]
		+	*[[Nepotism]]
		+	*[[Conservapedia:Mystery:Is Andy Schlafly a Muslim?]]
		+
		+	::<big><big>*</big></big> "''See Also'''s may or may not have anything at all to do with the article subject" - TK, Conservapedia sysop<ref>http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Talk:Bill_Clinton&diff=311724&oldid=311714</ref>
		+
		+	== External links ==
		+	*[http://www.conservapedia.com/Gay_Bowel_Syndrome GBS]
		+	*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5RNAYlAxmo YouTube:Andy Schlafly - HPV]
		+	*[http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=8286084 Andy Schlafly on All Things Considered]
		+	*[http://www.profy.com/2007/03/02/finally-a-truthful-online-encyclopedia/ Finally, A Truthful Online Encyclopedia.]
		+	*[http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2007/06/andy_schlaflys_success_story.php Andy Schlafly's “success” story]
		+	*[http://www.crooksandliars.com/2007/06/28/daily-show-lewis-black-exposes-right-wing-media-paranoia/ Lewis Black Exposes Right Wing Media Paranoia]
		+	*[http://home.tiac.net/~cri/1998/argue.html Reads just like an Andrew Schlafly manual of style]
		+
		+
		+	[[Category:Best of amusement]]

---

Revision as of 23:13, April 17, 2009

Andrew Layton Schlafly, Esquire, (known online as Aschlafly or Assfly) is the owner of Conservapedia. He is currently undefeated in any debate due to his skillful use of the Schlafly Reversal, the Schlafly Rearguard, the Schlafly Slip, Schlafly Statistics and the fact that he can just ban anyone who disagrees with him from his site.

Contents 1 Biography 1.1 Childhood 1.2 Schlafly gets degree, laid 1.3 Mr. Schlafly goes to Washington 1.4 A drawer full of smoking monkeys 1.5 Into the rabbit hole 2 Activities on Conservapedia 3 Andy and "information" 4 Deceit 4.1 Further accusation of deceit 5 Andy and legal incompetence 6 Difficulty with grammar & spelling 7 Faith 8 Mental strength 9 The cocoa edit 10 The Sunday sermon 11 Pwnage 12 Argumentation style 12.1 Direct access to truth 13 People who think Andy smaht 14 Praise and respect for Andy 15 Honors 16 Gallery of deceitful liberal mockery 17 Did you know? 18 Known aliases 19 Top ten things overheard at Andy Schlafly's wedding 20 Top ten things overheard on The Schlafly's 24th wedding anniversary party 21 Top ten things overheard at the Schlafly family barbecue 22 See also 23 See also, Conservapedia style!* 24 External links

Biography

Childhood

Allegedly born in Alton, Missouri, on 27 April 1961 CE, it was perhaps Andy's misfortune to be born to a remarkable but utterly misguided woman at the peak of her powers.^[1] By the time he was eighteen, his mother Phyllis had written nine ill-argued and reactionary tomes, helped bring the Equal Rights Amendment to its knees, been a three-time candidate for Congress, become a twice-weekly syndicated newspaper columnist, and recently enrolled as a full-time law student at Washington University in St. Louis, all while claiming that a woman's place is in the home.^[2] Although he faithfully absorbed her values and unreason, he inherited none of her vigor or charisma. The young Andrew was homeschooled until the age of seven.^[3] (It has been conjectured that Andy may be suffering from rejoicing in a version of the Œdipus complex, this is unlikely as the words "complex" and "Schlafly" do not sit well together.) There is some evidence to suggest that he later attended Saint Louis Priory School, a private Catholic boys' school, graduating in 1978.^[4] His father, lawyer Fred Schlafly, may have encouraged his children to follow him to law school.

Schlafly gets degree, laid

Andy's father, lawyer Fred Schlafly, may have encouraged his children to follow him to law school. However, Andy claims to have graduated from Princeton in 1981 with a bachelor's degree in Electrical Engineering and Computer Science. Strangely, he has never provided proof of this degree, and his chances of having received one are less than 100 to 1, as less than 1% of the population of the country has a degree in electrical engineering. Remarkably, he could think well enough to earn degrees from respected universities without compromising their reputations. He worked as a device physicist for Intel until 1983 and then moved on to Johns Hopkins University, MD, where he joined the Microelectronics Group of its Applied Physics Laboratory.

He married Catherine Agneta Kosarek at a Roman Catholic ceremony in 1984. Miss Kosarek was a fourth-year medical student at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine and also a Princeton graduate.^[5] As of 2009, Andy hasn't stated whether he has stopped beating her or not, even when asked repeatedly.^[6] His wife successfully mated twice^[7] (perhaps even with him, though no one can be sure why) and spawned two more conservative stormtroopers for the cause, Andrew Jr. and little (how could they...) Phyllis Schlafly. While the former is now a proud College-going Republican^[8] and Huckabee supporter,^[9] the latter is *gasp* an evolutionist!^[10]

Mr. Schlafly goes to Washington

Schlafly attempted to run for Congress in 1992. In a masterstroke of political timing, Andy decided to spend $84,725 of his own money^[11] on his campaign for a seat in the House of Representatives (VA 11), in the same year that Bill Clinton would sweep into the White House on a wave of popular discontent with the Republican incumbent, George H.W. Bush. No fewer than nine Schlaflys blew their god-fearing dollars on this abortive campaign, though most of them to the tune of a decidedly less crazy $1000 each.^[12] Only 11% of voters in the Republican primary shared the vision of "Andy Schlafly for Congress" and he finished in a dismal 5th place.^[13]

Incidentally, a blog was erected in 2008, proclaiming that Andrew Schlafly was running as a candidate in the 2008 U.S. Presidential Election. Such characters as RobS and Conservative also make appearances on the blog. Sadly, it was nothing but parody.

A drawer full of smoking monkeys

Schlafly received his J.D. from Harvard Law School in 1991 and claims to have been awarded a magnum of Laudrup cum for his efforts. He also claims to have taught a course in administrative law as an adjunct professor at Seton Hall Law School. Given the insight and intellectual rigor of his lectures on Conservapedia, his failure to advance further can only be attributed to his growing sense of disgust at the moral vacuum at the heart of liberal academia.

Striding purposefully out of this den of relativistic iniquity, he was admitted to the New York State Bar Association in 1993.^[14] There is evidence to suggest that he worked as an associate at Wachtell, Lipton, Rosen & Katz, a New York law firm,^[15] before moving into private practice.^[16] He was later appointed general counsel to the Association of American Physicians and Surgeons (AAPS), a motley collection of "conservative" quacks, cranks and god-botherers, not to be confused with the infinitely more credible American Medical Association (AMA). Andy had clearly found his niche and, in between filing spurious amicus curiae briefs on behalf of assorted wingnut causes, even found the time to pen such charming documents as Had an abortion? Call an attorney! Classy stuff.

Into the rabbit hole

Andy's conversion to young Earth creationism happened at around the age of 40 (circa 2000 CE). It is not known what caused him to renounce the bountiful fruits of the Enlightenment,^[17] but he describes the process as having taken "several years" and as being "based [on] a thorough open-minded application of logic and science". Readers will doubtless be heartened to hear that he found his faith greatly strengthened as a result of this self-inflicted intellectual lobotomy.^[18]

Around this time, he also began delivering online lectures for his mother's Eagle Forum "University" (REGISTER TODAY! It's Free). Not content with warping the impressionable homesckooled minds therein, he waded further out into the godless intertubes and formed a successful comedy double act with his mad elder brother Roger on the talk.origins Usenet group. Dubbed "Rogandy," their surreal creationist stylings provoked mirth and disbelief in almost equal measure.

A stroll through Andy's Usenet profile reveals a man adrift from reality and impervious to reason and argument. He made 3280 posts from May 1999 to August 2001, with talk.origins (1168) bearing the brunt of his attention. Gems abound within, including this June 2000 post to k12.chat.teacher where he tries to draw a link between "behavior-modifying prescription drug[s]" and US school shootings. Regular readers of Conservapedia will know that the blame has now been firmly placed at the door of the "atheistic" nature of the institutions themselves. Also worthy of mention is this wonderfully succinct evaluation of the Schlafly debate experience:

"...arguing with Andy is like playing chess with a small child who doesn't know the rules."^[19]

Godspeeding now with extreme prejudice, he emerged from the intertubes and began teaching real life classes of homeschooled Jesus-Jugend in 2002. He claims over 120 kills to his credit^[20]

Activities on Conservapedia

Andy utilizes a Word of the Day calendar to find new ways to embarrass himself. His favorite obsessions include deceit, liberal mockery, chivalry and the Parthian shot. He is also clairvoyant, and can tell to within two percentage points the likelihood that someone who disagrees with him on another matter is against school prayer or in favour of abortion. This clairvoyance is ironic as he often promotes users who openly parody his edits before they then kick him in the teeth^[21].

In April 2008, Schlafly announced his desire to purge the Bible of its liberal bias. On Christmas Day 2008, he launched a project to "retranslate" the Bible from existing English translations into slightly different English. It seems that, now that he has a couple of years' experience at running God's Wiki, all he wants to do is help out by reverting the "liberal vandalism" in the Bible itself.^[22]

Andy and "information"

Template:Cplinks "We have certain principles that we adhere to, and we are up-front about them. Beyond that we welcome the facts." Andrew Schlafly, Esq.

Frustrated in his attempts to insert his religious and political viewpoints into innocent articles at Wikipedia, on or about 2005, Mr. Schlafly decided to start an "encyclopedia" of his own, one that would conform to his strong biases in every way. So, along with a few dozen of his monkeys chained to typewriters homskollar protégés, he founded his heavily-moderated blog, Conservapedia, in November of 2006. It contains about as much useful scientific information as a typical Southern Baptist Convention Revival & Dunkathon.

It also affords him the luxury of being able to define terms into existence, and, when challenged on their legitimacy, insist that others do his research for him, or not complain.^[23] His grasp of how information works is exemplified by statements such as: "Well, yes, you are literally correct, but figuratively that [information] reinforces the thesis." ^[24]

Deceit

Deceit is Schlafly's favorite word. To him it is synonymous with liberal.^[25] Apparently, real conservatives are incapable of any kind of dishonesty, whereas liberals raised in the moral vacuum of public schools resort to deceitful means with depraved abandon.

Cries of "Deceit" are also his main weapon. If you're in the pits of Conservapedia and Schlafly -- or any of the Schlaflettes -- scream "Deceit!" at you, that would equal the screaming of "Witch!" or "Illuminati!" in 15th century Spain in front of Torquemada. You don't stand a chance with maniacs.

Basically, Schlafly makes up crazy lies all the time as a short cut to winning debates. He will usually block whomever is likely to call him on these lies^[26] as a matter of convenience, i.e. it allows him the polite fiction that this deceit is true and valid thus shoring up his fragile ego. His fellow groomers Ed Poor and Karajou have also picked up on this technique: "it's easy and fun!"

Along with deceit, Andy has equates liberality with closed-mindedness, imploring people who disagree with him (the vast majority of the earth's population) to "open their minds", for when they do they will surely agree with him. The humour of this is increased exponentially by the fact that Andy, who utterly refuses to accept anything except those portions of Biblical literalism that support his bizarre approach to reality, is perhaps one of the most closed-minded people on the planet.

What's really funny is that Andy himself has done teh deceitz, back when he had a "job".^[27]

From footnote #82 of the above link:

“

In a declaration submitted in this proceeding, Schlafly claims that, at the time AT&T suspended AudioText’s service and demanded a security deposit, he was concerned about the risk of “closely held companies” such as AudioText “running up a large bill and then switching carriers,” leaving AT&T “with a substantial uncollectible.” AT&T Ex. 88, Schlafly Decl., at ¶ 14. Schlafly asserts that this “non-payment risk” existed regardless of whether AudioText’s traffic was legitimate, id. at ¶ 18, or whether AudioText itself, or one of its downstream customers, was engaged in “stimulating false traffic over the network through the use of autodialers.” Id. at ¶ 19. This after-the-fact explanation is not corroborated by the contemporaneous record and, in any event, does not support the conclusion that AT&T had reason to believe that its “Customer [AudioText] [was] using LDMTS in violation of Section 2.2.4.B.” of the tariff, that is, “with the intent to avoid the payment” of “[AT&T’s] tariffed charges” at the time AT&T suspended AudioText’s service. AT&T Ex. 58 § 2.9.6; AT&T Ex. 51 § 2.2.4.B. (emphasis added). The scenarios that Schlafly describes, where a closely held corporate customer of AT&T runs up a large bill through legitimate activity, or through the “false stimulation” of traffic by a downstream customer, do not involve situations in which the AT&T customer uses AT&T’s service “with the intent to avoid the payment” of AT&T’s tariffed charges in violation of section 2.2.4.B. of the tariff.

”

See psychological projection

Further accusation of deceit

“	I noticed that you say that one of your favorite articles on your website is the one on “Deceit.” That article begins as follows: “Deceit is the deliberate distortion or denial of the truth with an intent to trick or fool another. Christianity and Judaism teach that deceit is wrong. For example, the Old Testament says, ‘Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.’” You really should think more carefully about what that commandment means before you go around bearing false witness against others.	”
—Professor Lenski

Andy and legal incompetence

Andrew Schlafly claims to be a Harvard educated lawyer; however he seems in many respects to have an extremely loose grasp on basic legal concepts. Examples of his legal incompetence include:

• His claim that people who vandalize his website (Conservapedia) could be sentenced to up to 10 years in jail under 18 USC § 1030.^[28] (see Conservapedia:FBI Incident)
• Allowing Conservapedia editors to add every random image they find under fair use, whether or not the images are actually so. (See Conservapedia:Conservapiracy)
• Not realizing that when claiming that Richard Dawkins acquired his position as professor through wrongful means, he is in fact accusing either Dawkins, Oxford University, or both, of criminal behavior.
• Andy and Conservapedia have a notoriously difficult time understanding slander, libel, and other forms of defamation, and how they work in the actual law.Template:More

Much of his poor grasp of legal concepts and theory is probably related to the fact that he is not and appears to never have been a practising lawyer. An extensive search of legal indexes yield roughly 29 cases that Schlafly has been involved in. Every single one of those was as an amicus curiae filer for the quack mouthpiece Association of American Physicians and Surgeons. Essentially Schlafly's whole legal career appears to be signing his name to court filings that the AAPS makes in cases it has no actual involvement or substantial interest in.

Difficulty with grammar & spelling

Mr. Schlafly has tremendous difficulties with the English language, and struggles to write correctly formed sentences using correctly spelled words. A humble clerk with writing problems like his would risk getting the sack for incompetence. In an unfortunate choice of battlefronts, he has made grammar and spelling an essential foundation of his debate against liberals. Some examples of his own postings reveal the thin ice his arguments are based upon:

Aug 10th, 2007

You don't see how sometime can estimate when the truth when someone else conceals it???? Don't ever become a cop, then, or a judge, or a juror, or a teacher, etc. Godspeed ^[29]

I looked at your contributions today, and found a serious of insertions of the form ^{Citation needed} or more obnoxious banners. ^[30]

July 21st, 2007

I don't pages that link to cp:Deletedpage does show up in random page searches. Do you think they do? ^[31]

July 13th, 2007 (Should have been statutes)

Criminal States Governing the Internet ^[32]

February 26th, 2008 (A real gem - while arguing about grammar and word usage)

You're "sources" for that ungrammatical claim... ^[33]

April 4th, 2008

Childbirth prevents against breast cancer.^[34]

May 11, 2008

Conservapedia has long observed that girls are injured in sports at much higher rates than boys, and how liberals denial or downplay it.^[35]

May 23, 2008 (This one is priceless)

See if you can learn out to spell "superior". ^[36]

June 20, 2008

I have to run an errand but want to you everyone know, as I've said before, that it's only productive to discuss something with somebody who has an open mind.^[37]

July 1, 2008

Unlike Wikipedia, we respect person's own talk pages. ^[38]

October 10, 2008

What time is now from where you edit? ^[39]

Many other examples of his appalling spelling and slipshod grammar exist throughout his blog, and he delights in creating new ones every day.

Among his favorite terms are two that we have elevated to the status of deserving their own articles: Godspeed and "you're clueless!" "Insight" should probably have its own page too, but you can have too much of a good thing.

Faith

Only faith in the Christian God counts. Nothing else is worthy to be called faith.

Mental strength

Andy fails his own test:

"Can you view yourself objectively, admit when you are wrong, and change towards what is advantageous?"

Being able to do this is a sign of mental strength in his opinion.

The cocoa edit

Before he goes to bed Andy likes to "edit" (i.e. wikify a single word or phrase) a random article while sipping his cocoa.

• Sep-12-2008 - Bela Gold
• Sep-14-2008 - Sherman Anti Trust Act
• Sep-15-2008 - Seismicity
• Sep-16-2008 - Dinesh D'Souza
• Sep-17-2008 - PAX television network
• Sep-18-2008 - Galactic disk
• Sep-23-2008 - Chord (music)
• Sep-24-2008 - USS Kearsarge
• Sep-25-2008 - Geneva Bible
• Sep-27-2008 - Ave Maria University
• Sep-28-2008 - Schnauzer
• Sep-29-2008 - Shibboleth
• Sep-30-2008 - Policy formulation
• Oct-01-2008 - Accretion
• Oct-02-2008 - Eye-glasses
• Oct-04-2008 - Fields v. Shelter Mut. Ins. Co.
• Oct-05-2008 - Franchise Tax Bd. v. Alcan Aluminium
• Oct-06-2008 - Weather Underground
• Oct-07-2008 - Winslow Homer
• Nov-12-2008 - Ice Age
• Nov-27-2008 - Cesar Chavez

The Sunday sermon

Frequently Andy will return from church on Sunday inspired to write some mindless drivel.

• Jun-30-2008 - Faith (reverting back to traditional form, sorry if some good edits lost with the reversion of liberal claptrap)
• Aug-11-2008 - Essay:Greatest Mysteries of American History (a day late)
• Aug-17-2008 - Barack Obama's Muslim name
• Aug-31-2008 - Essay:Best Concepts to Teach Teenagers
• Sep-07-2008 - Essay:Greatest Mysteries of American History (what did cause the possession-like symptoms of the Salem girls?)
• Sep-14-2008 - Mystery:Why Do People Doubt?
• Sep-21-2008 - Essay:Proposed Homeschool Constitution
• Sep-28-2008 - Filioque
• Nov-03-2008 - Scarcity Worship
• Jan-04-2009 - Essay:Passages Most Likely to Convert

Pwnage

• In August 2007, a law student trumped Andy's knowledge of law, when Andy tried to baselessly assert that RW had committed copyright violations.
• For the latter half of 2007, this article was a Google sponsored link from the search phrase, "Andy Schlafly."
• On 27 March 2008, information provided by RW assisted Princeton For Choice in defeating and embarrassing Schlafly at a "debate," where he tried to link abortion and breast cancer.Cite error: Closing </ref> missing for <ref> tag can cut and paste some more content to fluff this section up

Argumentation style

It has been theorized (by one user in particular) that Andy picked up his argumentation or debate style largely from this website. Andy will also use various phrases and ideas to sum up his arguments such as comparing something to a smoker living to 100, stating that 2+2=4, that school prayer would solve everything, that only logic is needed instead of actual proof or that autumn leaves disprove evolution.

Direct access to truth

Andy's conviction that he is always right is summed up best in this Ozy and Millie strip from Sunday, August 27, 2000:

People who think Andy smaht

His Mommy, much in the same way that a parent will tell their obese, clubfooted, hydrocephalic daughter that she is pretty.

Praise and respect for Andy

Template:Crickets

Honors

Schlafly was honored by having the old imperial measure of kookery, the Schlafly, named after him. The Schlafly is equal to approximately 2.63 Hovinds.

Gallery of deceitful liberal mockery

These contributions are examples of the well-known tendency of liberals to rely on deceit and mockery when they can't argue their biased points successfully.

Please also enjoy our fine selection of Assfly songs and poetry, and anagrams. Now with added deceit!

• Puritandy.jpg

  Fun is liberal!

• Andy dancer.gif

  Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine.

• Andy mudkip01a.gif

  i herd u liek homskoolerz

• Schlafly.JPG

  This is Andy when he edits Conservapedia.

• Andy lazer.png

  IMMA CHARGIN MY GODSPEED!!!!

• SpookyAndy.jpg

  I can haz beta blocker?

• Andy Weapon of Gun.jpg

  For defense only! ^[40]

• ConservaBorg.png

  Im on ur site drinkn ur coolade!

• Andypandy.png

  Childhood: Andy Pandy loves playing with all the boys and girls.

• Magic ASchlafly.png
• AndyEyes.jpg
• Andy-psycho-poster.jpg

  ...sick brilliant...

• Fort CP.PNG

  Andy fighting the liberal scum from his comfortable fortress.

• Schlafly in trance.JPG

  Schlafly, detecting liberals.

• SailorAndy.jpg

  Young Andy, guided by the hand of Christ.

• Christianoppresion.gif

  This is his persecution complex.

• Andy hippie.jpg

  Teh wild, sinful days of teh Assfly.

• Homezkoolers at Andy's home.jpg

  Homezkoolers at Andy's home.

• Captain Andrew Schlafly.jpg

  Captain Schlafly and his cronies, prepared for a copy/paste fest!!!

• Wafd al-Chl'resny.jpg

  Wafd al-Chl'resny, Schlafly's Muslim alter ego.

• AndyToad.gif

  Open your mind. Welcome.

• Drawing Andy.jpg

  Joaquín Martínez sketches a portrait of his master.

• Mr bean.jpg

  The face, the hair, the voice, the brains... it's uncanny.

• Andy and chick.jpg

  Rejected Conservapedia promotion.

• Lol Assfly.JPG

  No.

• A Very Assfly Xmas.jpg

  A Very Assfly Xmas

• Assfly-Bickle.png

  Defensive weapon of YOU LOOKIN' AT ME!?.

• AndyObama.jpg

  The Harvard Law Review dream-team

• CheGueschlafly.png

  Long liev teh revolushun!

• Andrew-two-face-schlafly.jpg

  Andy without makeup.

• Andy3.jpg

  Just Andy: My own picture, and I release rights to it. Big mistake.

• Dark helmet.jpg

  Lightspeed is too slow. We need to go at ludicrous GODSPEED!

• ASchlafly shining.jpg

  "He dawns on them like the morning light, like the sun shining forth on a cloudless morning, like rain that makes grass to sprout from the earth..." - 2 Samuel 23:4

• Mount Assfly.jpg

  Mount Assfly, the greatest monument in all teh Andylands!

• Kim Jong Schlafly.jpg

  Kim Jong Schlafly - there can be only one Fearless Leader

"Is there anything good inside of you?
If there is, I really wanna know.
Is there anything
good inside of you?
If there is
I really wanna
know.
Is there anything
good inside of you?
If there is
I really wanna
know, Andy."

Andy - from the Mothers of Invention album, One Size Fits All

Did you know?

So proud! 1417 This Timberwolf has earned 1417 points in Contest 3! (Scoring Error) 8 This Timberwolf has earned 8 points in Contest 3!

• God has promised Andy that he can break open one of the Seven Seals come Judgement Day. The details are yet to be firmed up with the Lamb, but Andy has his fingers crossed for the sixth and fondly imagines himself tearing it wide open with a fearsome cry of "Godspeed!". He has been known to spill his seed during these daydreams, but God assures him that it's OK if he's only fantasizing about smiting, and hasn't touched his pee-pee in a bad way.

• Jesus recently told Andy that the Adultress Story was true. Andy explained how, in that case, Jesus had definitely let the side down a little that day. Jesus could find no flaw in Andy's logic.

• Andy is a big fan of The Clash, but he's not a lover of Goth music of any kind. He's also quite partial to a bit of the Red Hot Chile Peppers.^[41]

• Andy has a real laugh that exceeds his monotone "Ha ha ha". The "Ha ha ha" originated when his "clients" would crack poorly attempted jokes.^[42]

• Andy sounds like Bert from Sesame Street.^[43]

• Andy asserts^[44] that "judges laugh at hearsay (and so do we)"^[45]

• This article is now the top-ranked trusworthy Schlafly article on teh internets!

• That Andy is the reincarnation of the Titan, ?????T??S (Epimetheus, literally "AFTERTHOUGHT").

• In the Mutants & Masterminds role-playing game, Andy is a Power Level 12 supervillain. His main power is: Godspeed 12 (Extras: Area[Burst], Insidious, Vampiric; Flaws:^[46] Homosexual; Range[Touch]; Power Feats: Dimensional[Hell])

• While (probably) not a member of the KKK or such, Andy's subtle racism is made quite clear by his refusal to recognize that a black person can make any accomplishments without affirmative action. Except perhaps Clarence Thomas. (See cp:Barack Obama)

• Who knew that Andy was running for President?!

• Andy belongs to a "sacred bloodline" stretching back to the 'Lost Tribes of Israel.' We're not even making this shit up! (Scroll to near bottom and engage tinfoil hat.)

• Andy believes that faith is a uniquely Christian concept. (The comment is under section 3.) Members of other religions who believe they have faith are wrong, as is every major dictionary ever published.

• Andy believes that Terry Schaivo should have been considered for canonization.

• "Fun, but kind of sad when one realizes the state of mind some live with." Aschlafly self-reflecting at 19:56 on 23 July 2008 (EDT) [1]

• Once got a little drunk, with sexy results.^{[Citation Needed]} Template:More

• Andy tried to start his acting career by auditioning in Revenge of the Nerds. However, he was not cast as he insisted that he should play one of the jocks.

• Is on Facebook. Sort of. [2]

Known aliases

• Teh Assfly - the correct pronunciation of his user account at Conservapedia, "Aschlafly". "Teh" is a nod to Schlafly's difficulties with grammar and spelling; "Assfly" doesn't need further explanation. Sometimes corrupted to "Teh Arsefly".
• Nanotyrannus
• Dr. Babyshakes
• Andypandy
• Der Führer
• The Andyman - so-called because, just like the Candyman, Andy shall appear to you in person if you look into a mirror and assert that public schools don't discourage vandalism eleventy million times.
• Ashfly - dirty little devil
• Ignatius J. Reilly
• Lionel Hutz
• Miguel Sanchez
• Eternal King, Autocrat, Tireless Benefactor, Supreme Judge and Lawmaker of all the Andylands
• The Leader
• The Founder (as put by Ed Poor)
• The Owner
• The Stud
• The Li'l Bastard
• Andrey Ivanovich Shlavly (?????´? ???´????? ???????)

Top ten things overheard at Andy Schlafly's wedding

10. "Hey Bruce, go easy on the crab puffs"

9. "I asked Liza to pass the butter and she slapped me"

8. "Is that Barry Goldwater sleeping on the sofa?"

7. "Phyllis Schlafly looks so lifelike"

6. "I did check again, sir. There's no 'John Schlafly' on the guest list"

5. "I think Andy is preaching to Mr. Kosarek about the dangers of cake"

4. "The receiving line? It's over there next to the confessionary"

3. "Hi, Catherine, I'm Roger. Could we maybe get together later?"

2. "No Mrs. Schlafly, you're not getting married today"

1. "Honey, why does the cake read 'Andy'?"

Top ten things overheard on The Schlafly's 24th wedding anniversary party

10. "Can we go now?"

9. "How did Ames get in?"

8. "Honey, that cake was supposed to be for both of us"

7. "Ya-hoo! Now fer some hillbilly lovin'"

6. "Stand back -- Roger's gonna do a cannonball into the punch!"

5. "Is it all right if Brian fills in for me tonight?"

4. "Can we wrap this up Andrew? I really should get back to work"

3. "OOOH! Phyllis Schlafly jumped out of the cake"

2. "I don't see your name on the guest list, John"

1. "Run for your lives! It's Fred Schlafly!"

Top ten things overheard at the Schlafly family barbecue

10. "For God's sake Bruce, those dumplings are for everybody!"

9. "It's awfully smoky -- maybe we should move the grill outside"

8. "I wish we were related to Reagan"

7. "Andy's bedroom smells like peanut butter"

6. "Great, Wal-Mart wine!"

5. "What in the hell is Dan Quayle doing here?"

4. "Aw shucks. Phyllis' teeth just landed in my lap."

3. "Whenever there's free food, Roger shows up"

2. "Time for your Metamucil, Andy."

1. "Run for cover! Somebody brought erotic pastries!"

See also

Template:Cp

• Fun: Schlafly Quote Generator
• Conservapedia:Barack Obama comparison
• Third Reich comparison: Adolf Hitler
• Godspeed
• Phyllis Schlafly
• John Schlafly
• Roger Schlafly
• Thomas Schlafly
• Last Wordism
• Loonyness quotient (under construction)
• Provocateur
• American Dad
• Template:C
• Template:F
• Essay:Christianity and the 6th Commandment
• Smart things Andrew Schlafly has said
• Andyland
• Fun:Aschlafly syndrome
• Schlafly statistics
• Conservapedia:An open letter from a disillusioned conservapedian

See also, Conservapedia style!*

• Pedophilia
• Drug abuse
• Racism
• Holocaust denial
• Sodomite
• Incest
• Anti-Semitism
• Nepotism
• Conservapedia:Mystery:Is Andy Schlafly a Muslim?

* "See Also's may or may not have anything at all to do with the article subject" - TK, Conservapedia sysop^[47]

External links

• GBS
• YouTube:Andy Schlafly - HPV
• Andy Schlafly on All Things Considered
• Finally, A Truthful Online Encyclopedia.
• Andy Schlafly's “success” story
• Lewis Black Exposes Right Wing Media Paranoia
• Reads just like an Andrew Schlafly manual of style

↑ They f**k you up, your mum and dad.

↑ "Anti-ERA Evangelist Wins Again", Time Magazine.

↑ "Feminine Mystique All Her Own", New York Times.

↑ St Louis Primary School alumni in Wikipedia; later removed on grounds of non-notability.

↑ The New York Times.

↑ http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Talk:Main_Page&diff=prev&oldid=384010 Burned, see here instead.

↑ As a practicing Roman Catholic, Andy would be forbidden to use any form of contraception. As his wife had demonstrated her fecundity by delivering two offspring, we can only assume that their relationship has continued on a platonic basis ever since, or Andy's 'little swimmers' just aren't up to the task anymore.

↑ This one.

↑ LOL OLD CHUCK NORRIS JOKES

↑ See this comment.

↑ Campaign contributions.

↑ Campaign contributions.

↑ See here.

↑ See details here.

↑ See here.

↑ I Can't Believe It's a Law Firm

↑ Mid-life crisis?

↑ Discussed on Conservapedia here.

↑ The author doffs his cap to a Mr. Richard Carnes on talk.origins, March 15, 2002.

↑ See his Conservapedia user page.

↑ See Conservapedia:MexMax

↑ See this comment

↑ this version shows it playing out - he promises that he will get some sources... soon...

↑ Yes, he really typed that, right here.

↑ 3 uses in two sentences

↑ Actually, Andy tries to keep his innocent Christian hands clean, and lets his "enforcers" do the blocking

↑ See footnote 82 on page 10 at this FCC document.

↑ Conservapedia Mainpage - oldid=24041

↑ http://www.conservapedia.com/Talk:Main_Page/archive20#Kevorkian_speaker

↑ http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=User_talk:Aschlafly&diff=264521&oldid=264519]

↑ http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Conservapedia_talk%3ADeletedpage&diff=243669&oldid=243667

↑ http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Internet_Crime&diff=230644&oldid=230627

↑ http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Talk:Liberal_friendship&diff=prev&oldid=395095

↑ http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Talk:Main_Page&diff=next&oldid=422790 Burned, see here: http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Talk:Main_Page/archive54&oldid=429444#Princeton_University

↑ http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Conservapedia_insights&diff=next&oldid=451474

↑ http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Talk:Homeschooling&diff=next&oldid=459252

↑ http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Conservapedia_talk:Lenski_dialog&diff=478662&oldid=478660

↑ http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=User_talk:GBrown&diff=next&oldid=485044

↑ http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=User_talk:Aschlafly&diff=next&oldid=533587

↑ http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Liberal_logic&diff=next&oldid=388253

↑ Red Hot Chile Peppers

↑ Source: Too many personal conversations with his son-in-law.

↑ Andy arguing against HPV on MSNBC (he lowers his voice for TV)[3]

↑ http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Talk:Richard_Dawkins&diff=next&oldid=330749

↑ A joke told about hearsay which made the Chief Justice Warren Burger laugh during a dinner conversation with Andrew Schlafly in late 1991.[4]

↑ Note: these are not flaws from Andy's point of view

↑ http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Talk:Bill_Clinton&diff=311724&oldid=311714