Humorous quotes about atheism and evolution

Every adherent of "weak atheism" lacks machismo. For more information please see: Does Richard Dawkins have machismo?

Below are some humorous quotes about atheism and evolution:

• "I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up . . . they have no holidays." - Henny Youngman

• "How to trap an atheist: Serve him a fine meal, then ask him if he believes there is a cook." — Source Unknown

• "Plenty of people name their sons Christian or their daughters Christene. Nobody names their child Atheist." - User: Conservative

• "Adversity often flushes out the "faux atheism" that is widespread among atheists. Atheism is a mile wide and inch deep!" - Anonymous

• Mr. Atheist, when you fully comprehend why you dismiss all the other schools of atheist thought, then you will better understand why I dismiss yours." - User: Conservative

• "Because most modern calendars use the birth of Jesus as the ultimate benchmark and not the birth of the pseudoscientist Charles Darwin, many militant atheists get flustered when it comes to dates and the use of calendars." - Anonymous

• Agnostics often call themselves "weak atheists". Of course, weakness is antithetical to machismo! - quote from the essay Does Richard Dawkins have machismo?

• A writer for Creation Ministries International declares: 'Richard Dawkins upset that public doesn't like him'. Real men don't fret about their popularity. High school girls worry about their popularity!" - quote from Does Richard Dawkins lack machismo?

• "We are all doubters about most of the types of atheism that atheists have ever held. Theists just doubt one form of atheism than every atheists which is super easy to do given that illogical atheological arguments lack proof and evidence and that theism is impeccably logical and has multiple compelling lines of evidence in support of it. Olé! Olé! Olé!" - User: Conservative

• "So called evolutionary "science" is like sausages. If you want to continue to believe in evolution; it is better not to see how it is being made." - Anonymous (derived from a Otto von Bismarck quote)

• "The term "strong atheism" is an oxymoron if I ever heard one. It reminds me of the term jumbo shrimp!" - Anonymous

• "Every proponent of 'weak atheism' definitely lacks machismo." - Anonymous

• "The problem with so called 'weak atheists' is that they all too often conveniently forget to tell you how utterly weak the atheist position truly is. Christianity has the proof and evidence." - Anonymous

Humorous quotes about atheist web marketing

See also: Humorous quotes about atheist web marketing

"Atheist websites have lost a ton of web traffic. The hostility I am getting over my Internet atheism and the coronavirus pandemic article is unbelievable...It's like..picture this...

Atheist web marketers are clowns and they didn't know it. And then I got the clowns together and forced them to look in the mirror. And they saw themselves in all their red hair, big noses, big shoes, polka dot glory." - User: Conservative

• "You atheists, I love you, but it must feel very embarrassing to be so bad at digital marketing when you claim to be so great when it comes to science and technology. Christian websites continue to outperform atheist websites by a large margin when it comes to web traffic. The English mathematician and inventor Charles Babbage, who is credited with having conceived the first automatic digital computer, was a Christian who believed that God was the ultimate programmer. And the Scientific Revolution happened in Christianized Europe. I always knew that Christendom would achieve total victory over atheistdom on the information superhighway. Britain is the birthplace of godless Darwinism. The new atheist Richard Dawkins is a British citizen as so was the late Christopher Hitchens. In 2013, Britain had one pothole in every mile of road. If godless Britain can't even master asphalt and road budgeting, how can atheists ever master digital marketing and establish a respectable presence on the information super highway over the long term? Godless, British atheists and evolutionists, I laugh at Britain's pothole pandemic! He who sits in the heavens laughs. On behalf of all meek and humble Christians on the internet, I hereby declare total victory! Olé! Olé! Olé! - User: Conservative

• "Atheist websites have lost a ton of web traffic. The hostility I am getting over my Internet atheism and the coronavirus pandemic article is unbelievable...It's like... picture this... Atheist web marketers are clowns and they didn't know it. And then I got the clowns together and forced them to look in the mirror. And they saw themselves in all their red hair, big noses, big shoes, polka dot glory. Game over atheists. You have nothing. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Game over." - User: Conservative

• "I received another email about a Christian web article ranking high on the internet for a Google web search. Now as you guys know, internet atheists are very glum and frustrated. It is obvious. Their web pages are dropping their Google rankings like flies. Oh atheists, feel the sting." - User: Conservative

• "The RationalWiki website has failed. Internet atheism has failed. Well, you know they're atheists. They're used to failure. Every atheists has failed." - User: Conservative

• "The coronavirus pandemic greatly negatively affected the web traffic going to atheist websites. What is going to happen when an economic recession happens to many of the world's countries? Internet atheism is going to be further hammered down and ground into a fine dust. As the theist, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow said so aptly, "The mills of God grind slowly, yet they grind exceeding small." With each passing day, atheist websites will lose more and more Google rankings. Atheist webmasters, weep and wail over the misery that will soon befall you. What will you do on the day of financial reckoning when economic devastation comes upon your website's web marketing budget? Your ugly, atheistic, website cows designed by lightweight web designers will become even more ugly and gaunt and they will receive even less web traffic than they do now - which is not much! I will laugh when this calamity of calamities falls upon you. I hope that some of the few atheist websites remaining on the internet will not be able to afford web hosting and disappear off the information superhighway. They were so sad and ineffective that it will be no great loss to atheistdom, but atheists will weep and wail because what little web presence they have will become even less. Oh atheists, feel the sting!" - User: Conservative

• "Recently, I was watching a self-described atheist, borderline alcoholic and marketing professional pointlessly argue with a paranoid individual at a secular leftist wiki for weeks while the website continues to experience long-term web traffic loss. Sun Tzu's strategies and tactics utilize the "Eastern tradition of strategy that emphasizes outwitting an opponent through speed, stealth, flexibility, and a minimum of effort." As much as I hate to say it atheist gentlemen, atheistdom cannot outrun the Christian web marketing cheetahs! - User: Conservative

(The quotes were inspired by YouTube Christian Shockofgod who I borrowed some of quotes from with some changes being made. See: Classic quotes from the Shockofgod YouTube channel)

"He opens the waters before them, and he bars our way with fire! Let us go from this place!" - Pharoh's military commander in Cecil DeMille's classic movie The Ten Commandments.

The Matthew effect's etymology can be traced to Gospel of Matthew which declares Jesus as saying: "For to every one who has will more be given, and he will have abundance; but from him who has not, even what he has will be taken away." (Matthew 25:29, RSV).

Atheists, even the paltry web traffic your websites are currently getting will be further and further taken away.

Atheists, leave the internet before it's too late! You've embarrassed yourselves already. Don't further embarrass yourselves.

For more information, please see: Internet outreach and the Matthew effect: Atheist websites vs. religious websites

Atheism and humor

• Atheism and humor

Quote about Richard Dawkins and accusations of Islamophobia

See also: Essay: Richard Dawkins is terrified of Islam

"Richard Dawkins has an extreme case of Islamophobia. And whether or not not Richard Dawkins' fans wish to admit or not, Dawkins turns into a quivering bowl of jelly whenever he sees burkas, hookah bars, figs, dates, shish kebabs and camels!" - Anonymous

Classic quotes from the shockofgod YouTube channel

Logo for the shockofgod YouTube channel

See also: shockofgod and Comedy and satires concerning atheism and evolution

• I received another email about someone becoming a Christian and leaving atheism... Now as you guys know, the atheist community on YouTube and also on radio and TV...They are in panic mode. It is obvious. Everyone on YouTube can see that this question that we are asking atheists that they cannot answer is really panicking the atheist community....Here is the question and then we will get to these awesome emails of atheists leaving atheism because the atheists cannot provide proof and evidence that atheism is accurate and correct...The question is: What proof and evidence can you provide that PROVES that atheism is accurate and correct?...You see I left atheism because the lack of proof and evidence that it is accurate and correct. The proof and evidence is for Jesus Christ.

• "We are getting atheists leaving atheism. They are like dropping like flies. They are realizing...You know what? Atheism is madness. There is no proof and evidence that atheism is accurate and correct."

• "An email from an atheist: 'There is no proof and evidence that atheism is accurate and correct. Happy now?' Ha! Ha! Ha! And he goes on and on about Santa Claus. Oh atheists, feel the sting."

• "The hostility I am getting over this question is unbelievable...It's like..picture this...Atheism is a clown and it didn't know it. And then I got the clown and I walked it over...I forced it to look itself in the mirror. And it sees itself in all its red hair, big nose, big shoes, polka dot glory."

• "You atheists, I love you, but it must feel very embarrassing to be involved in something where there is no proof and evidence that it is accurate and correct."

• "The Atheists Experience Show has failed. Dprjones has failed. Well, you know they're atheists. They're used to failure...Every atheists has failed."

• "What proof and evidence can you provide as an atheist that atheism is accurate and correct. Game over atheists. You have nothing. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Game over."

Embarrassing quote of an agnostic

• "True I was lying...". - The gossipy evolutionist, agnostic and girly-man User: Mercian at RationalWiki.

See also

• Favorite quotes of atheists - Humor
• Comedy and satires concerning atheism and evolution (large collection of comedy/satire concerning atheism and evolution)
• Atheism Quotes